Things I learned from the President last night.

1) That I am dependent on oil. Note to self -- stop huffing 10 w 30.
2) That Cindy Sheehan was never the bassist for Mr. Big -- that was Billy Sheehan.
3) That Iran is not Iraq (they spell their name differently) and that they want both nuclear and nuculear power.
4) That you should smile with pride every time you read something correctly and come to a complete thought.
5) Hindsight alone is not wisdom. Note to self -- do not learn from mistakes.
6) Second-guessing is not a strategy. Note to self -- we do not make mistakes.
7) Contrary to public belief, Dennis Hastert is not a pig that is greased up and put into a suit. He is a human being with feelings, just like the rest of the former wrestling coaches turned NAMBLA members.
8) Tiger Woods does not practice putting on Roy Blunt's hair piece.
9) Bill Frist is alive. He checks to make certain that he is breathing every few minutes... just in case.