There has been a lot of chatter regarding a situation at a Netherlands zoo where three bears attacked and ate a monkey while zoo visitors watched-on in "horror." I cry bullshit! In America people would be laying down odds and taking bets before the bear even took the first swipe at the monkey. To me, if people in Amsterdam can get behind soccer and the Amsterdam Admirals, they should be able to support a good animal fight when it occurs "naturally." It's not like we are talking about cock fighting here. This is "the wild."
Streaming Drivel wanted to know why and how this could happen. After all, a monkey should be able to avoid a bear, and most importantly, I haven't seen monkey grace the pages of Bon Apetit in years.
It only took our crack staff of researchers seconds to find the catalyst for the incident.
Photo #1 Monkey Has Popsicle.
Bears love popsicles, especially orange ones. I reference the episode of Yogi Bear in which Ranger Smith loses his left testicle when he refuses to give Boo Boo a Fudgesicle.
Photo #2 Bear Eats Monkey
Let's face it, monkeys are not team players. After taunting the bears by dancing with the frozen treat, the bears wanted some monsicle. Unfortunately, they later learned their cave was not furnished with a freezer.
What's the moral of the story?
1) This all could have been avoided had the monkey been working out. Sure, he could share his wealth, but there are three bears and only one popsicle. Surely he would get screwed.
B) Popsicle makes FearFactor pop-ups. Ummm, Joe Rogan flavor.
3) Had the monkey been properly armed -- pocket knife, loose bricks, AK-47, this would have never happened.
4) Zoos are cheap. Why don't bears have freezers? How are they supposed to care for their food? Salting and curing is so 1600's.
4) Had the zoo done its homework, there would be one more live monkey in the world today.
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