What's he doing these days?

So I've got a super power. I try to keep it quiet, but thanks to a friend of a friend, I have the ability to peer-in and look at the contents on a person's hard drive. I can't say how I do it, but I can say that I only use the power for good.

Today my feelings of nostalgia have continued and I thought I would see what Frank Zygmuntovich is up to these days. The last document he worked on was dated yesterday and was called, fucknuts.doc. Here it is:

Dear Planters Nuts:
My wife Melanie and I recently purchased a can of your Planter's Mixed Nuts. Mel loves the Hazelnuts and I love the Pecans. When we got the can open, we were very distressed. We payed $4.97 for 17 fucking nuts. What the hell kind of a mix is this? As a matter of fact, we are so upset, we created an entire website to show the world that your Mixed Nuts are a fucking rip-off. Not only did I get screwed on Pecans, your claim that the mix consists of less than 50% peanuts is completely bogus! I even bought another can to prove it -- so now I am out like $10 with tax and I only have 34 edible fucking nuts. Since your company can't do math, I'll do it for you, that comes to like $3.40 per edible nut. Nobody pays $3.40 per nut, especially Frank Zygmnutovich!

I am going to take my business to Fischers and Emerald, companies that understand what the word "mixed" means. I can't tell you how disappointed we are with you, your company and that creepy nut mascot that you have. If I ever see him I am going to kick him in the nuts and steal his schlong car. I don't know how you sleep at night. If I were you, I would watch your back. Watch your families' back. Hell, have someone start your car for you.

Frank & Melanie Zygmuntovich

Next week: Brent Hisgen