Al Michael's sees a 30% margin on foam board.
"What part of me says 50% off on yarn," screamed an irate Al Michaels. "I didn't get in the craft business because I wanted to give away dried flowers like the Dried Flower Fairy. I got in this business because people are going to pay $11.00 for a bag of fucking papier-mâché. That's how I can afford my AMG, this suit and my hair," added Michaels.
Al Michaels, best know as a commentator for NBC television, is trying to reassert himself as CEO of the company he founded 25 years ago. Michaels, the #1 retailer of craft goods in America, has seen pressure on earnings the last three quarters and Al Michaels has seen enough. "Do you know how much God damn paint canvas and model paint we have to sell to keep my teeth this white? I am sick and tired of this laissez faire attitude I see in this place. I am going to institute a sales culture in this place like the hobby world has never seen. It is going to be one of sell fake plants or go home trying. You can bet your ass same store sales won't be down next quarter as well."
Michaels, has begun to feel pressure from a slowing economy as well as the competition. Hobby Lobby, Frank's Nursery and Crafts and Minnesota Fabrics have all begun to gain market share. But Michaels truly fears Wal-Mart. "
Those S.O.B.'s in Arkansas are ruthless. Just when you think they can't bust the balls of a vendor any further, they find another supplier in some God damned country you never heard of that can make styrofoam balls for $.10 cheaper. When you factor in that they don't have full-time employees and have next to no benefits, they are just playing on a different level than the rest of us are." Michaels believes the way back to higher profits is through experience and service. "Yeah, Wal-Mart sells the same dress patterns that we do, but ask one of their associates for help with darting. Their eyes will gloss over and they will have to call for a manager. Look at the people that work in my stores. They don't have lives, this is all they know."
2 comments:
This seems like it was a lot of work, but I enjoyed it.
When you "source" 100% of your facts to the first thing that comes to mind, there is no work involved at all. Especially when I am able to tap my intense hatred for all that is Al Michaels. This may be a two-parter.
Post a Comment