Horrible things done to Bernie Brewer

• Due to budget cuts, lives off of expired Pabst and Klements brats.
• On road trips he bunks with Corey Hart.
• As part of contract must hand wash Bob Ueckers unmentionables.
• Must taste Bud Selig's Brandy Old Fashions for arsenic.
• Forced to watch Brewers Baseball via their TV broadcast.
• Slides down through broken glass on Friday day games after Thirsty Thursdays.
• Asked to film "home movies" for Wendy Selig Prieb.
• Occasionally "warms up" Seth McClung
• Jason Kendall's personal stubble groomer
• Required to taste test Cecil Fielder's cholesterol blood level