El Barth, seen here on the right, is making life miserable for residents of Downer's Grove.
Once thought to be a work of fiction, a sea creature named El Barth is making life miserable for residents of Downers Grove, IL. Local legend has it that Feeb's, a now defunct hot dog stand, would dispose of their waste products by dumping it in Barth Pond. Over time, the animals in the pond evolved in order to survive their new oil and Starch infested home. Unfortunately for the animals, Feeb's went out of business and stopped dumping their waste oil in the pond leaving them without food to grow.
So the mutated animals started leaving the pond and looking for food. Sometimes they found stray pets, sometimes stray children. One of the more advanced species, deemed El Barth, is believed to leave the comfort of his home every night to frequent restaurants in the Area. Pictures and drawings of El Barth show him at Omega, Mike's, and even as far away as Bishop's Chili in Westmont.
At first a novelty that the locals loved to rub elbows with, El Barth's neighbors are growing tired of missing children, increased prostitution, and Teddy's Red Hot wrappers littering the area where they once went to swim and fish. There is even talk of trapping the area with the hope of catching El Barth and moving him to a more suitable area like the Cal Sag Channel. El Barth could not be reached for comment, but I wouldn't want to be eating at Aureilo's Pizza (940 Warren Ave) tonight.
4 comments:
I think El Barth has been leaving condom wrappers in McCollum Park.
Item! El Barto is La Barto -- more precisely, one heavy-duty wax job later, and El Barto is revealed to be... one of Downers Grove's most famous citizens.
And you better quit with your exposé, as she seems to be on a rampage with the press.
Wouldn't surprise me about the condom wrappers. He practices safe mutation.
I am surprised as to his/her real identity. I thought it had a better chance of being Randy "Macho Man" Savage or Emo Phillips -- if the person was indeed a famous former DG resident. There is one way to find out. Let's cage Charlie Sheen on the beach and see what happens to him. If he is raped, we know it's not Denise.
El Barth is living on my couch. Please come get him.
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