Night Ranger & Journey 8.19.09: Random Thoughts

Well, it was bound to happen, Night Ranger, touring on their "Check Your Cholesterol" concert tour targeted at 45 year-old male custodians and Journey and their current tour, sponsored by Lane Bryant, have combined for a joint tour and Friday night I was right there, in the thick of it, and I do mean THICK of it.

I'll be the first to say that I am no where near the weight I was when I first saw these bands in high school, but just looking at the enormous people in attendance made me feel like I had room to put on another 50 lbs of so. If I didn't know what the purpose of the event was, I would have sworn I was at the world's largest Jenny Craig rally. I have never seen so many XXXL Journey shirts in my life. To be honest, if I were a guy with a fetish for large women, this would have been numero uno on my list. Maybe these women are trading in their donuts for the sugary sweet melodies of journey -- whatever the case; Journey needs to start selling their CDs in plus sized women's stores.

I honestly can't remember the last time I was at a concert and saw as many children as I did at this show. Appearntly, the cost of tickets and therapy for children in Greensboro is cheaper than the cost of a baby sitter. Why the need for therapy? How many large women clad in spandex and t-shirts modified to show every inch of their cleavage do your want your 9 year-old seeing? More importantly, it's been clinically proven that 9 Journey songs in a row will begin to stunt mental development in children.

The Venue
From what I heard from the two bands, the Greensboro Coliseum may have the worst acoustics of any place I have ever experienced a concert at. It seemed that at times when the music got a bit complex, things got lost in a wall of noise. After about 3 songs it seemed Night Ranger dropped some of their keyboard lines, which really cleaned their sound up. Journey had no such luck. Their songs had a lot of keyboard in them and the venue didn't like to let go of that sound.

Night Ranger
Put on the same show they have for the last 25 years. Lots of running around and hamming it up for the crowd. I kinda wish Jack Blades would drop the shtick and just play more music. A couple of nice surprises in that they played a few covers that blended into their songs -- Nazareth -- Now Your Messing With a Son of a Bitch, Beatles -- Hey Jude, Judas Priest -- Living After Midnight. Unfortunately, they also trotted out some songs like Secret of My Success (which really wasn't much of a success) that they really could have done without.

At one time, Jack Blades yelled out to the crowd of 11,000, "How many of you have seen Night Ranger before," about 1,000 people raised their hands. He then asked "how many of you have seen Journey before "about 10,500 people raised their hands.

Throughout the NR portion of the show the crowd sat in their seats eating over sized pretzels and drinking Mountain Dew. Sure, there were some 45 year-old cougar/trophy wives dancing, singing along and acting like they were in the prime of their sorority lives, but their exuberance was more than balanced by their 70 year-old husbands that looked like they would rather be at home watching Becker. I have never seen so many sport coats and Bermuda shorts at a rock concert.

When they got to When You Close Your Eyes, Don't Tell Me You Love Me, Sister Christian, and You Can Still Rock in America, you could hear the crowd say in unison, "I didn't know they played that" over the music. Some even put their nachos and margaritas down to clap.

Journey
Let me first start by making a few things clear. I know that Neal Schon is a very talented guitarist. I know that in theory, Ross Valory and Jonathan Cain are "rock legends." Arnel Pineda sounds just like Steve Peary and Deen Castronovo is an accomplished -- yet cheesy drummer.

All that said, I have never seen a more arrogant, self-indulgent set in my life. After the second song Schon launched into a 5 minute guitar solo, the SECOND SONG. It was a nice solo and one that he probably didn't need to do as after a while it became painfully obvious that it was a compilation of all the solos he would be playing that night.

Arnel Pineda
Has the all the stage presence of deranged muppet on uppers. He is so small that he would get lost on stage and had to stand on monitors to be seen. After the third song he left the stage and the drummer sang for him. I don't know why. He came back on stage and said something about living in Manilla, and then broke into that song from Vision Quest. Which got me thinking about Mathew Modine and all those rumors that he went nuts and all the stuff that was pulled out of his rectum.

Ross Valory
I think he was wheeled onto the stage on a dolly and never moved from that space. If the phrase "you are what you eat" is true, someone has been eating Vincent Price's corpse and prunes.

Jonathan Cain
After 4 songs Mr. Cain said "welcome to my show," and preceded to murmur about something he thought was funny. Not one of the 11,000 people in attendance laughed. He needs to change his name to Johnny Vegas. I think he tried to lick his eyebrows on two occasions. Cain is best for writing Open Arms and all those other songs that sound like Open Arms. More importantly, he is the last known person on the face of the earth sporting a soul patch.

Neal Schon
Once again, he is a hell of a guitarist, but after about 4 songs it is apparent what is going on here, he loves to hear himself play the same thing over and over again. Since he can't tour under the name of "Neal Schon Plays the Same Fucking thing 20 Times in a Row," as nobody would pay, he has put the band back together so he could strut around the stage looking like what would happen if Andrew Dice Clay and Fanzine mated and the resulting creature learned how to play arpeggios while smugly steering at the camera. Key Note: According to the bio on the official Journey web site, in his younger years, Neal played the oboe, making him the only male to ever do so and make it past the age of 16.

Deen Castronovo
I will leave him out of this as he is about as much in this band as I am. I actually feel kinda sorry for him. I think he was in Bad English with Cain, Schon, and John Waite. I don't know if that is relevant here, it's a fact I know about him so I share it with you. Do with it what you will. It's free, so don't bitch about it, OK?

Overall
We went to see Night Ranger and weren't disappointed. We left after about 7 Journey songs. Why? Because after 3, they all sound the same. I had never listened to that much Journey without having roller skates on and having some guy shouting "couples skate is next."



At this point Night Ranger still is fun to see, but they need to be in smaller venues that they can fill with people that actually know who the hell they are. The resulting sing-along, would make the event more enjoyable. I think I saw them at a bar named Joe's in Chicago -- it was great. They will be playing my basement next week. It should have enough room for all their remaining fans.

Journey should only be allowed to play in outdoor venues like Ravinia or places that rent roller skates. On second thought, they just should get a gig with a casino in Vegas. It would be perfect for them. Most of their fans are already there. Nobody would have to admit they went to see Journey in concert because "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," and more importantly, Neal Schon would be able to eat for free at all the buffets in town. There is one flaw in this logic as I don't know if their incredibly large fans would like the heat of Nevada. It may just make more sense if they play Jenny Craig reunion events.