What I will tell my daughter when she asks why she is an only child.

1) Well, if it weren't for that damn 30 day return policy you wouldn't be here either.

2) We took your brother to the forest and set him free.

3) There weren’t any other children at the Lost and Found.

4) I could barely afford my medication bills when you were born.

5) Ebay.

6) Three letters, DHR.

7) After the stork delivered you, he was killed, slathered in sauce and roasted on our BBQ.

8) We had to feed someone to the gods to keep them happy.

9) Why do you think I tell you not to kiss the boy across the street?

10) We ran out of cages.