I Hate You Dick Clark

Hi Dick! There is a reason they call you Dick instead of Richard. It's because they think of you as more of a Dick than anything else. I know it is not "cool" or "hip" to be slagging on a guy that recently suffered through a stroke, but it is cool to slag on a guy that is a stroke. Anyone that can manage to get upstaged by Seacrest Out needs to get out of the game. BTW, I find you much more likable now that you don't talk as much. I wonder why that is?

BTW, after my flight got delayed this morning I had the pleasure of dining at one of your Dick Clark's American Band Stand restaurants. Wow! You sure do know how to cook! I have never had shredded eggs made from Play Doh before. Nor had I ever experienced potato pellets until my trip to the Indy airport. Thanks!

I really enjoyed the video montage of all the acts you exploited over the years. The clip reel meshed very well with the minimum wage workers you exploit to sling your synthetic food. Here is a thought, maybe you could give them an extra $1.00 per week so they could afford to take a shower, it might make the place a bit more presentable and I may want to eat my food without a dental dam in place.

Mmmmm, is that ham or did a dog's chew toy accidentally land on my breakfast plate? Oooh, look there is the jean jacket John Cougar Mellancamp wore while lip synching to Cherry Bomb on your show! Holy crap, there is the original contract JCM signed to appear on AB... he made $35 and you got his soul. Great deal Dick.

Now Little Richard is "performing." There is a guy that single-handedly set his race back a dozen years every time he performed. Speaking of discredits to their kind, there are the Village People prancing around the stage like some sort of gay pride parade without the decorum that one would usually assign to a parade full of NAMBLA members. OOOOOOh, there is Jerry Lee Lewis playing the piano. At least he isn't playing his teenage cousin that he married. Good to see you were able to exploit him too.

Thanks again, Dick for all that you have done for 'merica.