I'm Concerned About Maurice Clarett

Hi Friends:

Many of you remember Maurice Clarett. He is the "talented young athlete" that sued the NFL to enter the league early. Maurice played 11 games of college football due to injuries, but led his team to a National Championship. Upon leaving OSU, he accused them of a number of improprieties, including illegal payments, free cars, sex with the mascot, the list goes on and on.

Well, Maurice is now old enough to enter the NFL draft. Earlier this week he visited the NFL combine to strut the stuff many have waited to see. And they got to see it for quite a while. You see, there were full backs, linebackers, special olympians and a few geriatric synchronized swimmers that ran faster "40 times" than our man Maurice did. As a matter of fact, Maurice became so frustrated with his performance that he left without completing his entire workout. He was scheduled to be "out weight lifted" by a class of junior high schoolers and that "hysterical" comedienne with cerebral palsy that was on Facts of Life.

Yes, I am concerned about Maurice Clarett, I really don't know what he is qualified to do for a living. It doesn't look like he will be playing football without flags attached to his side and he seems to have turned a deaf ear on earning his BA in Micro Biology.

So what else will Maurice be unable to do for a job, let's take a look at a list.

1) NFL player-- maybe on Halloween.
2) Employed by any business in Ohio -- forget that now that he burned every bridge in the state.
3) Hardee's Fry Guy -- come on, if he got frustrated running straight, what makes you think he can lift the basket when the machine beeps?
4) Convenience Store Clerk -- Careful, he might get hurt making the popcorn.
5) Museum Curiosity -- perfect. You could put him in a zoo like setting and allow schools to take field trips to see him. Teachers could gather around his cage and say things like "see kids this is what happens to you when you can't read." Students could poke him with long sticks and through him food. Just don't expect him to catch it, he has questionable hands.