Best opening paragraphs ever

Pictured: A guy named Wong (not Sandy Wong) that may have masturbated.

Sandy Wong gets turned on by expensive and classic cars, motorcycles and women with big feet and really likes to expose himself in public.

Unfortunately, the 45-year-old Edmonton man’s sexual deviancy has led to him “pleasuring” himself while sitting on the roof of cars, including a BMW on display at the Home and Garden Show at the Northlands Agricom. And now, the rest of the story...