What I have learned from the NCAA Tournament

1. Touchdown Jesus may help cure those with a taste for the chronic, but he can't stop McAlarney from being a douche bag.
2. The only guy I see on TV with a marker in his hand more than Digger Phelps is that smug hippie in the UPS commercials. What can Brown do for me? Take the fucking markers out of their hands.
3. I laugh like a little child every time I hear the phrases "ball pressure" and excellent "ball handler."
4. I am supposed to demand real Coke taste with zero calories.
5. Black people don't cook. They eat burritos made by McDonald's. I guess they haven't heard of Chipotle.
6. Verne Lundquist = gold.
7. Moby trades stocks in Hong Kong -- that's in China.
8. I don't know what they are doing in Wisconsin, but even their black guys play like white guys.
9. I laugh like a school girl every time I hear the phrase "dribble penetration."
10. Old Spice hair and body wash will work if I have hair here, here and here.
11. 11:30 PM Saturday Night: Eastern Jay Bilas just said "I think he needs to touch it." I spit Sprite Zero across the room and may have damaged my laptop.
12. Pocket squares = trying too hard.
13. It's like Davidson and Butler cloned my dream team. I love scrappy little teams.
14. Why do I hear "She Talks to Angels" by the Black Crows every time I see Arkansas' Hill?
15. If Dean Smith walks on rose petals throughout the state of North Carolina, than Tyler Hansborough must walk on vag.